2010 William Hill Sports Book of the Year: Beware of the Dog, Brian Moore

Brian Moore, or ‘Pitbull’ as he was affectionately known in the rugby world is remembered for his fierce reputation as a hooker for his country. Since retirement, he has become an outspoken and controversial commentator never afraid to ruffle a few feathers.

However, his autobiography ‘Beware of the Dog’ reveals a rather different side to the fearsome ‘Pitbull.’ It is Moore’s second book and is more open, revealing and disturbing than the first.

Moore begins with a soul-baring account into the sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of one his primary school teachers. Up until this point, Moore had hidden this dark secret, afraid of the ‘pain’ that he would inflict on his parents. But finally, after an eye-opening visit to the Child Exploitation Centre, Moore decided to tackle his demons and discuss his chilling experience. In his view, it was the only way ‘of dealing with this issue.’

As such, from the outset, our impression of Moore is far removed from the snarling hard-man of English rugby. Instead we see him as the innocent subject of shameful sexual abuse. Throughout, Moore’s book is an incredibly personal one: an adopted child, he finishes with a chapter on the difficulties and emotions that arose when he arranged to meet his biological mother.

The trauma Moore faced as a child moulded him into a fiery competitor ‘that was evident from about seven years of age.’ This ultra-competitiveness remained a part of Moore throughout his career. After England’s loss to Australia in the 1991 World Cup Final he believed that: ‘The team and I let ourselves and the country down and there is no easy way to seek absolution.’ He went on to say that ‘I took home my loser’s medal and put it in the loft. But even after two years, during which I had not looked at it again, its presence still haunted me and I threw it in the Thames.’ In a similar vein, following the Lions defeat to New Zealand in 1993, Moore refused to take part in a lap of honour as he ‘felt that I had let our thousands of supporters down, and I did not want to be involved in something that I thought would de derided by the Kiwis as an example of losers losing well.’

 

But Moore was not just a formidable competitor, he was also a deeply complex character. Throughout his career, Moore faced a constant battle against his alter-ego, Gollum (in reference to the J.R.R Tolkien character). Moore refers to this negative voice in his head as a ‘little monster’ that has ‘managed to taint so many performances by amplifying my mistakes’ and ‘inflicted many scars.’ For instance, after Moore’s call-up to the Lions tour in 1989, ‘[Gollum] reminded me that I should not be there; I would fail, who did I think I was.’ Even more extreme was the aftermath of the 1990 Five Nations defeat to Scotland that had provided Gollum ‘with an invaluable weapon’ and resulted in sleepless nights as Moore was ‘haunted by my failure.’

It was this self-doubt and fear that brought Moore to the brink of depression following his retirement from the game. As Moore put it: ‘I had bouts of terror that I could only control by firmly closing my mind to thinking about the subject.’ This breakdown led to the divorce of his first wife, Penny (Moore has been married three times) and led to ‘five mad years’ of partying. Although Moore overcame this distressing period in his life to become a well-respected commentator, he still believes that ‘there is a huge need to players to be taken through the likely effects of ending their playing careers.’

As well as this insight into Moore’s personality, the book also offers a fascinating picture into the state of amateur rugby. A far cry from the professional game today, Moore was called up to the national squad ‘when a late-night call located me in the middle of a heated row in an Indian restaurant.’ Moreover, every member of the England squad held down a full-time job and Moore discusses the difficulties of juggling his life as a solicitor with the demands of an international rugby player. Incredibly, the day before England played New Zealand in 1993, Moore flew to Glasgow and back to take crucial witness statements for a negligence claim. He also devotes a chapter to the shameful determination of the RFU to prevent the game turning professional, even when ‘shamateurism’ was rife (for instance players were being paid by a sponsor) and its amateur status had become ‘farcical.’

A brutally honest, disturbing, yet utterly compelling read.